Yesterday my mom brought me and Ellie to work with her. That’s not such a big deal because we hang out at the clinic on her long days but, when she came down to get us at noon, we immediately became a bit suspicious.
“C’mon girls,” she said, sounding just a tad too eager to see us. We hesitated for a moment. "Don't worry. It's not going to be THAT bad."
Oh, boy, now we TOTALLY knew she was up to no good.
First of all, on busy days (and during COVID-19 most of them are very busy) Mom doesn’t really take much of a break for lunch. She spends it calling clients back about blood work results, writing up records, or filling prescriptions, so she rarely comes down to see us. Second, if she DOES have extra time over the lunch hour and wants to hang out with us, she usually does it downstairs in the big open room or out in the yard where we can sniff around or play with a toy.
Thus, it is usually not for any good reason that she takes us upstairs. It means we were either going to have a blood test, get a vaccine, have a bath, get our nails trimmed, or that other thing that 's even worse. But still I love visiting with all of the nice ladies (even though they occasionally help our mom with her nefarious activities).
“Hi girls!" one of the technicians said. "Sounds like someone’s been licking in the nether regions and has been smelling a little fishy."
Ellie and I looked at each other. Great. We KNEW it! The worst thing possible was about to happen, and immediately Ellie began to shake.
We were getting our anal glands expressed.
For those of you who don’t have pets, cats and dogs have anal glands, or sacs, that are near the rectum at the four o’clock and eight o’clock position. They can fill with what is usually a watery, brown material that smells a bit fishy, and there are little ducts that empty out into the rectum so if everything is working properly you don’t even notice anything.
Sometimes, however, the little ducts can become plugged, or the material in the gland can get very firm (like dried toothpaste) and doesn’t empty out like normal. The glands can become full, and are often uncomfortable to pets so they might lick at their anal area or scoot their bottom along the ground.
Sometimes these efforts are not enough to empty out the material, so then a veterinarian or technician puts on a exam glove and presses against the gland to help empty, or express, the material out.
They made me go first even though we all knew that Ellie was the one who had been licking at her bottom.
“Uff-da! These are some stinky glands, Sophie!”
The material in the glands has an amazing, earthy, robust odor that is simply tantalizing. I would roll in it if I could.
The humans, however, never seem to like it as much and it’s usually the last thing done during a physical exam because everyone - owners, techs and vets - all want to make a hasty exit from the room. My mom says the molecules are super heavy and take a long time to reach your nose but, once they get there, they never leave.
Owners ask my mom if it hurts dogs to have the anal glands expressed, because some dogs scream and holler like the world is ending. A human equivalent might be as if they were saying, “Who gives YOU the right to VIOLATE me in this DISGUSTING manner?! Get your finger out of me this VERY SECOND!! I demand you stop NOW. I am calling my LAWYER!”
Ellie and I are not that dramatic and usually stand patiently, albeit with long-suffering expressions on our faces. Mom compares it to a human’s annual “lady exam’ or ‘men’s hernia exam’, and tells us nobody loves it but there are worse things in life.
As far as Ellie is concerned, however, it ranks up there pretty high on the Not-So-Fun list, and she usually shakes like a leaf while she is waiting for her turn.
Sometimes the anal glands can become impacted, when the little duct is completely blocked but the gland keeps producing more and more material. Eventually the gland gets so big it bursts to the outside, or abscesses. Ellie and I have never had this happen, but our dog friends tell us that this IS very painful, and usually needs to be treated with pain medication, antibiotics and occasionally surgically incising and flushing the infected gland.
To help keep us fine and dandy, my mom usually expresses our glands every 6-8 weeks. A lot of owners have the glands expressed when the dogs are groomed. The thinking is that then the dog can go directly into the tub and get all shampooed up, but personally I think it is a shame to wash all of that super-charged, amazing scent right down the drain. But, here again, owners seem to not appreciate the earthy qualities of this glandular material.
So the moral of this blog is: If something SMELLS fishy, or your veterinarian mom is ACTING fishy, there's a fairly good chance there is an anal gland expression in your near future.
Get out and enjoy the nice fall weather this week!
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